FF7 on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?
by Sephiroth Strife
Summary: The FF7 gang appears on the show Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. Cid is the host.


Who Wants To Be a Millionaire  
  
  
Cid: Hello and welcome to, Who Wants To Be a Millionaire. Okay, now for our first @#%$ fastest finger question. Put these people in order of first to last according to when you get them in Final Fantasy VII, Aeris, Red XIII, me Cid, and Tifa.  
*Buzzer sounds*  
Cid: Your #$%@ time is up. The correct order is, Tifa, Aeris, Red XIII, and finally me, Cid.  
*Looks at answers*  
Cid: Why the %#@$ am I last?!? Oh well. Okay, let's see who got it right first...  
*Screen shows the contestants' times*  
Cid: And our winner is...Barret!  
Barret: Yeah foo', I knew I'd beat y'all's butts!  
Cid: Just get your #%@$ butt up here!  
*Barret walks up and sits down*  
Cid: Okay, now our first question...Who is the main crazed maniac in the game? A, Vincent, B, Hojo, C, Cloud...  
*Cloud stands up and starts screaming insults at Cid*  
Cloud: That's only because Sephiroth is in my head!  
*Sephiroth grins*  
Cid: Shut the @#$% up and sit the $@#% down!  
*Cloud timidly sits down*  
Cid: Okay, back to the answers. A, Vincent, B, Hojo, C, Cloud  
*Cloud grows, Cid looks at him and Cloud stops*  
Cid: Or D, Sephiroth?  
*Sephiroth stands up*  
Sephiroth: Heck yeah baby!  
Cid: Shut up!  
*Sephiroth sits back down somewhat embarrassed*  
Barret: Let's see, hmmmm...  
*5 minutes later*  
Cid: Answer the #$%@ question!  
Barret: Shut the heck up foo'! I'm going to say, B, Hojo.  
Cid: Final @#%$ answer?  
Barret: Yeah foo'.  
Cid: Wrong!  
*Cid is laughing so hard he has fallen on the floor*  
Cid: You did...didn't even an...answer...one...one question.  
Barret: Shut the $%@# up!  
*Barret storms off the stage*  
*The title flashes as the commercials are about to start*  
  
  
$#%@  
Who Wants To Be a ^ Millionaire  
  
Rufus: Who let Cid near the title?  
(the producer)*Sighs and runs his hand through his hair like he always does  
  
  
  
Announcer:Hey $%@# kids, are you ever /?#%@ bored? Well we've got the $%@# game for you. This %@/~$%\@ game is so %@# fun, you won't ever $%@#~ want to do any %@# thing else. Any $%@ way, back to the $%@# show.  
Someone's voice: *Tell them the $%@# name!*  
Announcer: Oh $%@# yeah, buy Final $%@# Fantasy VIII! It's $%@# great.  
  
Cid:Okay, back to the @~#$ show. Now for the second fastest #@$% finger thing. Put the four forms of Jenova in order of when you battle them. A, Jenova Life, B, Jenova Death, C, Jenova Synthesis, and D, Jenova Birth.  
*Buzzer sounds*  
Cid:Once again your @#~% time is up. The correct order is D,A,C,B. Let's see who got it ~@#% right the #%@~ fastest. The winner is...Sephiroth!  
Sephiroth:Duh!  
*Sephiroth walks up*  
Cid:Okay, first #$~% question. What object threatens the life of the earth. A..  
Sephiroth:Meteor.  
Cid:Uh...right! You've won 100 gil.  
Sephiroth:I summoned it! Why wouldn't I know that?  
*Later at the 1 million gil question*  
Cid:What town is the Shinra No. 26 in? A, Mideel, B, Gongaga, C, Rocket Town, or D, Wutai?  
Sephiroth:I'd like to call my mother Jenova.  
*Vincent stands up*  
Vincent:Your mother isn't Jenova! Your mother is Lucrecia!  
*Security comes and takes Vincent away*  
Cid:Now that that #@%~ thing is over let's get back to the game. Okay, now for your call to your mommy.  
Sephiroth:Only I can call her mommy!  
Cid:Whatever.  
*The phone dials*  
*Jenova picks up*  
Sephiroth:Mother?  
Jenova:........  
Sephiroth:Hello?  
*A click is heard*  
Hello, you have reached the Jenova residence, 666-6666. Please leave a message at the sound of the blood-curdling scream.  
*A loud scream is heard*  
*Sephiroth puts his head in his hand and shakes it*  
Sephiroth:I forgot that she can't talk. Uh, I'm going to say D because I know that Mideel is now a pool of the Lifestream and because I destroyed Gongaga. Hahahahaha!  
Cid:A #@$% reactor explosion blew up that $#~% town!  
Sephiroth:Uh...knew that. I just like to take credit for destruction.  
Cid:Are you @#$% sure?  
Sephiroth:Yeah.  
Cid:You're #@!$ wrong! You used to be in Shinra and you didn't know that the Shinra No. 26 is in Rocket Town? Man you're @#$% stupid!  
*Sephiroth looks at Cid and prepares to get out his sword*  
Cid:Just get off the #@$% stage.  
*Sephiroth slowly walks off*  
Sephiroth:(To Barret back stage) At least I got 32,000 gil.  
Barret:Shut the #$%@ up foo'.  
Sephiroth:You want to start a fight?  
Barret:Yeah foo'.  
Sephiroth:(lunges at Barret) Stop calling me foo'!  
*A large commotion is heard back stage*  
*Everyone hears Sephiroth's evil maniacal laugh*  
Cid:Bye Barret (Cid says to himself). And now to the commercials.  
  
  
Announcer:@$%#?@$#?/!$@?#$@%#$@%$%#?/%!$%@$#  
...  
...  
...  
Someone's voice: umm, we're on now  
Announcer:... Oh, @$#, I mean darn. So uh, buy our nice bicycles. They are, um nice 'cause they're shiny, or somethin'.  
  
  
Cid:That commercial was $@#% good! Uh, back to the show. Now for that thingy that we always @#%$ do to pick the next @#%$ contestant. Put these menu options in order of top to bottom, A, materia, B, save, C, item, D, magic.  
*The buzzer sounds*  
Cid:The right #@$# order is, C,D,A,B.  
*Cid looks at the times*  
Cid:And the winner is...*sighs* Cloud.  
*Cloud jumps up*  
Cloud:Yay!  
Cid:Just get the @$%# up here.  
*Cloud walks up and plops down in the seat*  
Cid:Okay, first question. Who is the most annoying @#$% in the game, A, Aeris, B, Tifa, C, Scarlet, of D, Yuffie?  
Cloud:Don't talk about Tifa or Aeris that way!  
*Cloud puts his hand on the handle of his sword*  
Cloud:D, because that little $@#% stole my materia!  
Cid:Absolutely @#$% correct!  
Cloud:Yay!  
*Cloud starts jumping around*  
Cid:Just sit the %@$# down.  
*Cloud sits down*  
*Later at the 1 million gil question*  
Cid:What happened after the first earthquake in Mideel, A, another earthquake, B, nothing, C, Ultimate WEAPON attacked, or D, Sephiroth attacked?  
Cloud:That's no fair! I was in a coma!  
Cid:Too %#@$ bad! Answer the $%@# question!  
Cloud:I want to call someone!  
Cid:Who the @$%# do you want to call?  
Cloud:I want to call Cid.  
*Cloud reaches for the phone*  
Cid:Cloud?  
*Cloud continues to dial*  
Cid:Cloud!?! I'm right here!  
Cloud:Oh.  
*Cloud puts down the phone*  
Cloud:So what happened in Mideel?  
Cid:I can't @$%# tell you! I'm the @#%$ host!  
Cloud:Oh, then I want to call Vincent.  
Cid: Security carried him off.  
Cloud:Aeris?  
Cid:Dead.  
Cloud:Cait Sith?  
Cid:Working at the Gold Saucer.  
Cloud:Yuffie?  
Cid:Everyone hates her.  
Cloud:Red XIII!?!  
Cid:Uh...okay.  
*Cloud dials the phone*  
Red XIII:Hello?  
*Red XIII drops the phone*  
Red XIII:I hate these stupid paws sometimes.  
Cloud:Just put it on speakerphone.  
Red XIII:Oh! I never thought of that! So what do you want?  
Cloud:What happened in Mideel after the first earthquake?  
Red XIII:Ultimate WEAPON attacked.  
Cloud:Okay, thanks, bye. (To Cid) C!  
Cid:Oh $@#% you've won 1 million gil.  
*Cloud starts jumping around*  
Cloud:Yay! I won! I won! I won!  
*Stops jumping around*  
Cloud:Wait a minute! I could have sold a mastered All for 400,000 gil more!  
Cid:Too @~#%$ bad. At least you got to be on T.V.  
Cloud:Oh...yeah!  
*Cloud starts jumping around again*  
Cid:And that's the end of our $@%# show. See y'all later.  
  
  
  
  
  
Authors Notes: More to come sometime (maybe). Thanks to my friend Joel for the commercials. Suggestions welcome for new contestants and revisions. Some thoughts for contestants, Hiediger, Palmer, Cid (Cait Sith would be the host), and any others you might think of. 


End file.
